All The Purple Cats...and Their Misadventures
by MentalDragoness
Summary: Ooh, lookie! Chapter five! ^_^
1. Default Chapter

  
  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE/Warning: This happens nine years in the future, assuming Dib was ten when Zim showed up. It involves cornyness and original characters, but I'm TRYING to make it as different as possible, mmmkay?  
  
Disclaimer: Almost nothing in this fic belongs to me, basically, if you recognise it, it ain't mine. Kinza belongs to my bestest friend IRL. Vim, Pir, Nox, Iona, and Aileen all belong to ME. Steal them and we'll send you to Blorch. Everything/one else is copyright to the god that is Jhonen Vasquez. XD Enjoy reading about other people's characters! Read, review, be happy. One of my first fics, and my first Zim fic in general, so be nice. :)  
  
Now that you've read all my little notes, read on!  
  
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All the Purple Cats...and Their Misadventures  
Chapter One: Tales of Times Past and IFPs.  
  
  
A pale man wandered the empty night streets, a slight breeze blowing his long black hair away from his face. He knew this street well, he had walked down this sidewalk countless times as a child. He stopped at the entrance to the cul-de-sac, his gaze fixxed on the small, glowing house in the middle.   
  
His hand unconsciously moved to the water pistol at his side, concealed by his long black coat. Most would wonder why he carried a water toy, rather than an actual weapon, but most did not know Zim. Zim...he had come to Earth nine years ago, when Dib was ten. He had shown up in his classroom, "disguised" as a human, though the costume was nothing but a black wig and lavender lenses, hiding his crimson eyes and long black antenna. Dib had been the only one who had seen through the guise, knowing that the viridian skin tone and lack of any ears or nose meant that Zim was not from this world, and his intent could never be good.  
  
Further investigation had proved the pale boy right, that Zim had come to take Earth, though why he never knew. He also learned, not long after, that water itself was nearly lethal to the alien, and had been using this to his advantage ever since he found out. Slowly, over countless minutes, hours, days of investigation, he learned how to enter the odd house without tripping the alarms that were rigged everywhere. He had given up on photographs when he began losing valuable photographic equipment. He kept up his small attacks, delaying the takeover, and though he knew Zim had found out enough to take the planet by now, he never had.   
  
Meanwhile, inside the house...  
  
The alien was oblivios to Dib's approach, and the small green dog on the couch was oblivious to most things, lost in the colorful universe of the television screen. Gir never followed the plotlines of any but the simplest of cartoons, but he watched anyway, enjoying the colors, movement, and sounds. Zim shook his head, used to the incompetence of the robot. He had doubted its "advanced" technology since it was first issued to him, but he wasn't in the place to complain.   
  
He had been the very shortest in a race ranked by height, but the abundance of carbon on Earth had caused a dramatic increase in his height, so he appeared nineteen as a human, though he was, in reality, over thirty. this had raised his status dramatically, though he was the only one that knew about it. He had outgrown his original invader uniform and began wearing human clothes. He found clothes similar to his uniform, and usually wore that. He had also changed his wig, so it seemed as if he had an intrest in how his hair looked.  
  
He continued his investigations of Earth, though he had long ago found enough secrets about the planet for a successful. Human missiles were formidable, but generally nothing a well-built shield couldn't handle. He had also learned that there was so much diversity in the humans that they may as well be several different races living on one planet, and that they had no central leader, rather several, some that acted as a council, each serving to the intrest of his own country.  
  
He had sent this information back to his leaders, maybe two years ago. The armada should have arrived and taken Earth a long time ago, and Zim's reports had become few as the Tallest continued to make it clear that Earth was of little intrest to them.   
  
Zim sighed, then looked at the little robot-disguised-dog on the couch.  
  
"Gir. I'm going to my lab. Don't disturb me," Zim ordered; Gir made a chirping noise as a response. Zim entered the kitchen, opening the refrigerator. The garbage can and toilet lab entrances had long since become too small, and he had had them removed. in their place, he had installed an entrance through the fridge.   
  
He shivered at the sudden cold, then stepped inside. He pressed a panel on the back wall, and the fridge slid open, revealing a large tube. Zim slid in, feetfirst, and slid down in the darkness. He never noticed the black-clad figure entering through the many wires in the celing.  
  
  
Dib watched Zim enter the kitchen. He had kept tabs on the entrances to Zim's lab, so he knew the way was through the refrigerator. He hung upside-down from the wires on the celing, his trenchcoat pulled over his belly to keep it from dangling. He began to crawl forward, when he heard a soft creaking noise.  
  
i"Damn,"/i he thought. i"I'm getting too big for this..."/i He slowly moved forward, little by little easing his weight on the pipes. He placed his hand forward, reaching for the next large wire. The one he was hanging from creaked loudly, then snapped, sending Dib crashing loudly to the floor.  
  
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You like? You no like? R&R, PLEASE! Should I continue? Tell me! Praise/criticism/flames all welcome, flames laughed at! :P  
  
AND, now that you've read the chapter...  
IFP=Identified Falling Paranormalists. :P  



	2. Chapter Two

Yesh, yesh, the wonderful chapter two...this is where stuff actually happens, mmmkay?  
  
Disclaimer: To whom it concerns, it ain't mine.  
  
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All The Purple Cats...And Their Misadventures  
Chapter Two: Spys and Discussion  
  
Dib scrambled to his feet. Gir looked over at him, eyes wide.  
  
"Hi! I know you," the robot chirped happily. "Wanna watch cartoons?" It watched Dib, grinning.  
  
"Uh...I have things to do..." Dib stammered. "Please don't tell Zim I'm here," he pleaded.  
  
Gir looked at his feet, dissapointed. "Aaaw, but I hafta tell Master everything..."  
  
Dib glanced around nervously. "I'll...uh..." He searched his pockets, pulling out some loose change. "I'll give you shiny coins!"  
  
"Ooh, shiny!" The little robot chirped happily. Dib handed over the change, and Gir staired at them in wonder. "Preeeeetty..."  
  
Dib walked quietly into the kitchen, entering the refrigerator the same way Zim did. He entered the tube, sliding down feetfirst, but he cought himself a foot from the bottom, staying in the tube. He didn't want to announce his presence. Not yet. Zim stood in front of a console, his back to Dib. He typed on a keypad.  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, on an Irken space station, in space somewhere, two tall aliens converse...  
  
  
Purple paced in the large ready-room. The large amount of planets under Irken rule was making control increasingly difficult, especially since many of them had been taken by force. Many eventually submitted, but a few were not willing to be ruled.  
  
"These rebel outbreaks are getting out of hand. We have to do something, or they'll influence the whole of the Empire!" The violet eyed Tallest had become increasingly stressed as the size of the Empire grew.  
  
"So, we send in the Armada and crush them. They have few posts," Red argued. "We have stronger forces, it shouldn't be too hard." Purple rolled his eyes.  
  
"You always say that. Remember planet Larkna? The Invader assigned had no problem, but our army came back in shreds!" Purple shuddered. "We're still recovering from that! The Larknans haven't joined the rebels, but they have allies that are just as powerful. I say we send in a spy, have them kill off the leader. That will throw the rebels into more anarchy than they are already in. iTHAT'S/i when we send in the army, and crush them while they're weak."  
  
"ALL of our soldiers know it's suicide," Red said. "All Irkens that enter their boundaries are killed on sight. You know that." Red lowered his left eyelid.   
  
"I suppose you have a better idea?" Purple demanded. "Because if you do, let's hear it."  
  
"We send in a team of four or five, composed of Irken and a few aliens, and they spy and find out how to adapt our weapontry, shields and whatnot to be superior to theirs. We modify our own ships, then strike," Red said simply.Purple blinked.  
  
"How do we know the Irkens we send won't be killed, like you so graceously pointed out?" he asked. "And how can we be sure the aliens won't revolt once they get to the rebel base planet?"  
  
Red smirked. "Have faith. We bribe the non-Irkens. And, as long as our soldiers act well and show up not looking like soldiers, their chances of being killed are reduced."  
  
"Marginally," Purple argued. "It will take a long time to get one of ours into a position of any power whatsoever."  
  
"Well, like you said, remember Larkna?" Red pointed out. "The invader had no problem. A small force has much better chances if the rebels are anything like Larknans."  
  
"But what invader in his right mind would agree to that?!" Purple snapped. "It's not like someone is just going to call us up and say 'Hey, any suicidal missions available?'" Suddenly, the commscreen beeped.   
"Incoming message from Earth," the emotionless robotic voice announced. Red and Purple stared at each other.  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter Three

Chapter three, feel the cheese...um, yeah... Written whilst listening to Metallica, like you care... ("Twisting, turning through THE NEVER...") Read and review, it makes me happy.  
  
Disclaimer: Ha, JHONEN! I KNEW YOU WERE READING THIS!! ^_^ I'm not claiming the characters that aren't mine...yeah!  
  
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All The Purple Cats...And Their Misadventures  
Chapter Three: Yurusunai; Ninmu Ryoukai  
  
(For the Japanese illeterate: "I can't forgive it; Mission Accepted." I'm pretty sure that's what it means...)  
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Zim watched as the Tallest appeared onscreen. His antenna twitched, and he spoke.  
  
"Sirs!" he barked. "My Tallest, the mission continues to go unjeporadized..."  
  
"Yes, ZIM, you sent us the reports," said Purple, sounding exasperated. "You just need to wait on the planet until the Armada arrives." Red sniggered quietly.  
  
"Well, that's just what I wanted to see you about, Sirs," Zim said hesitantly. "And, well...I was just wondering when the Armada will get here?" Zim stared at the screen hopefully.  
  
Red blinked, suddenly getting an idea. "Can you hold for a sec, Zim?" Not waiting for an answer, he pressed a butten on the console before him, putting Zim on hold. Red turned to Purple.  
  
"Well?" he said. "You were wondering who would be stupid enough to go on our suicide mission?" Purple backed up.  
  
"Uh-uh! We *can't* send Zim," he protested. "He'll ruin the whole thing!!" Red grinned.  
  
"Maybe so. BUT, if he does succeed, we're rid of the rebellion." Red smirked. "And if he fails, they will kill him for us. Either way..."  
  
"We win," Purple finished. "It's perfect!" Red laughed.  
  
"Of course it's perfect! It's my plan. All my plans are perfect!" Red floated back over to the console.  
  
"Sending Zim to Earth wasn't a good plan," Purple pointed out.  
  
"Shut up," Red growled.  
  
  
  
Back on Earth...  
  
  
Dib watched, surprised. Previously, he had never seen Zim contact his leaders, and it had never occured to him that Zim was simply doing a job. A smile creeped across his face. 'If I can catch Zim now,' he thought, 'It will embarrass him in front of his superiors as well! Dib, you're a genius!'   
  
He dropped to the ground, landing silently. He climbed up the outside of the tube, climbing to the celing. He crawled closer to where Zim was standing, oblivious to his approach. He pulled out his water gun and waited.  
  
Zim watched the screen, perplexed. This hadn't happened, but it seemed important...'What are they talking about?' he wondered. 'Did I say something wrong? No, that can't be, Tallest Red had seemed...not angry, that's for sure...what was it?' He stared at the blank screen, which suddenly came back to life. Purple spoke.  
  
"Zim, I think...you've been on that planet too long. We have all the information we need," he announced.  
  
"Yes, I sent it to you..." Zim said, then shut up when Red glared at him.  
  
"SO, we have another mission for you," Purple continued. It will be a little dangerous, but...nothing...you can't handle." Red turned around, he could barly keep himself from laughing.  
  
Zim didn't get a chance to answer, for justthen a stream of water descended onto him from the celing, hitting him directly in the head. He fell to the ground, screaming and convulsing, slapping at the wet aries to try to get the water off.  
  
Dib laughed and sprayed Zim again, enjoying his suffering. He didn't notice, however, that by using his water gun left him hanging by one arm, for his legs didn't help much. Zim realized this, even through the burning on his skin, and extended the metallic spider legs from his pod. they stretched towards the celing, striking Dib's arm. He yelled and let go of the pipe, crashing to the ground.  
  
Purple had been watching this, most interested, and Red had turned around to see what was going on. As Dib and Zim scrambled to their feet, the two Tallest turned to each other, talking quietly.  
  
"The alien could prove useful to us," said Purple.  
  
"Perhaps," agreed Red. "If anything, it should be fun to watch."  
  
"You will pay for that, foolish Earth monkey!!" Zim spat, the metal spider legs curling around him menacingly.  
  
"Not a chance, alien! You can't get away this time!" Dib yelled, pointing the water gun at Zim again. Purple turned back to Zim.  
  
"Hey, ZIM!!" he yelled, causing both Dib and Zim to turn to the commscreen. "Find one more...what are the race of that planet called?"  
  
"Humans," Dib said, sounding slightly put off.  
  
"Yes, another human of his ability, and you three meet us back on Irk." Purple reached to turn off the screen.  
  
"WAIT!" Dib yelled, causing Purple to stop suddenly. Dib stepped in front of Zim. "Why should I help you? You want to enslave my entire planet, I don't owe you anything!" Red stepped up to the screen.  
  
"Help us," he said, "and you can keep your little planet. We'll leave it alone. Don't and you'll have our entire army to deal with, Human." It was a bluff, Earth wasn't important enough to spend valuable resources on, but it worked. Dib backed off.  
  
"Wait, but Sirs!" Zim began to protest. "This human has been the plague..."  
  
"Toodles!" Purple grinned and flipped the commscreen off.  
  
Zim and Dib glared at each other. Dib spoke first.  
  
"I guess we're stuck working together," he said. "Joy."  
  
"I suppose we are." Zim folded the robotic extensions back into his pod. "I wouldn't describe the experiance as joy, though. More like...I'd rather be crammed feetfirst into a meat grinder while Blorchian rats chewed on my still-living person." Dib smirked.  
  
"Wow, you sound like you're looking forward to it almost as much as I am." He turned to go.  
  
"Dib. You pick the other human," Zim said. "You're all still useless stinkbeasts to me." Dib nodded, then entered the transport tube, exiting the lab.  
  
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Fwaa! THIS should be amusing. Well? You like, you no like? Review. I'll love you more. *Grin* 


	4. Chapter Four

Yeshyesh, Chapter Four. COME, MY MINIONS!!!!! POLLINATE!! FWAAAAAA!!!! *coughcough* Ehrm...hehheh...I like to make up wooooords...  
  
Disclaimer: Uh...in the event hell freezes over and someone affilated with Zim reads this, they're not mine!  
  
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All The Purple Cats...And Their Misadventures  
Chapter Four: Truthful Pretenders  
  
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Dib exited Zim's house, feeling...he wasn't sure what he was feeling. He did NOT want to be involved in anything Zim had to do with, and yet...And yet he was excited. The farthest any human had been was the moon. The idea seemed to hit him all at once, as though he had just now been informed. "I'm going into outer space!!" he thought to himself, as he walked down the sidewalk. It was a few miles to his apartment, but he needed the air. He thought about what the aliens had in store. They hadn't said. Why was anyone's guess.   
  
"Hiding something, perhaps? But why? They'd never even seen me before..." he muttered as he walked down the road. He decided not to think about that, and thought about coming back. How the hell would he convince anyone sane of what he would do? Would he come back at all? One thought stuck in his mind: What if this was a trap? He tried to dismiss the thought. After all, he reasoned, Zim had seemed genuinely surprised. He had made it plain that he wanted no part of the plan the other aliens were talking about. And, he thought, if it was a trap, why bring two people?  
  
He pushed the door of the apartment complex he lived in open and made his way to the elevator. He punched the number four, and sighed as the doors slid closed. The doors opened again on the third floor to let another person in, a guy Dib recognized. He was about Dib's height, but about a year older. The door slid open again on the fourth floor and Dib stepped off, then walked down the hallway, past the rows of doors. He stopped at one and unlocked the door, stepping inside and fumbling for the light switch. He found it and flicked it on, and he shut the door quietly. Dib's apartment was a mess, like it usually was, with magazines strewn everywhere there was table space. He walked into his bedroom and flopped down onto his unmade bed, staring at the celing.  
  
*Back at Zim's house...*  
  
Zim stood, staring at the commscreen. He couldn't believe what the Tallest were asking him to do. No Invader had ever been called away from their mission. And with Dib! Zim shuddered at the thought.   
  
"He'll mess up whatever the Tallest want me to do. Why in the seven hells of the System of Cornarth did they want him to come?" Zim turned on his heel and went back into the transport-tube, grabbing a remote control as he went. He emerged from the refrigerator and promptly tripped over Gir, who was standing in front of it for no obvious reason Zim could see. The disgruntled Invader turned to glare at Gir.  
  
"GIR!! Why were you standing there?!" Zim demanded.  
  
"Waiting for you" the malfunctioning Sir said with a grin. It hugged Zim's head. "I like you." Zim rolled his crimson eyes and got up, Gir dropping to the ground.  
  
"Gir. We're...going on a trip," Zim explained. "We're...probably not coming back." Gir's eyes teared up, though how Zim had no idea.  
  
"B-but why?" Gir sobbed, hugging Zim's leg. "I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Shoooooooooow!!"  
  
"I don't have a choice, Gir! The Tallest told me I have another mission, so I have to go." Zim tried to pry the tiny robot off his leg.  
  
Gir sniffled. "We destroy? I like cupcakes!" It grinned happily. Zim sighed, and walked over to the front door. He opened it and stepped outside, minus his disguise. He wouldn't need it, not anymore. He pressed a button on the remote control, and, with loud mechanical gear sounds, the house folded itself into it's compact form, leaving his vootrunner in a now-empty lot. Zim walked over to the ship and slid the hatch open, then pressing a button on the inside. It was too small for him now, he needed to make it large enough for three.   
  
"Upgrade command initiated!" The runner announced loudly. The entire thing dismantled itself, and Zim waited as it began rebuilding itself again.  
  
*At Dib's place again...woo, scene changes...*  
  
Dib stared out his window, watching the sky. He didn't know why, he just was. The fire escape ladder was directly outside his window, leading to both the roof and the ground. Suddenly, the outline of a person climbed swiftly up the ladder, heading for the roof. 'What the...' Dib thought, sitting up. He walked over to the window and opened it, looking up the ladder. Whoever it was had already scaled the remaining three floors and was clombing on the roof. Dib climbed out the window and began scaling the ladder.  
  
He reached the top and glanced around. Then he spotted the person who had climbed the fire escape. It was a girl, one he knew slightly. Her name was Aileen. She was sitting on the roof, indian-style, staring at the sky. Her waist-length hair was black, blacker than Dib's, if that was possible. She wore a black long-sleeved shirt, the sleeves flaring at the elbows. Her pants were baggy and black, and she also wore an ankle-length black trenchcoat, the sleeves ripped off. Her skin was pale, contrastng sharply with her black hair and clothes. Her eyes were an almost unnatural green.  
  
She looked over at Dib, noticing him for the first time.  
  
"Hi, Dib," she said, waving. "What are you doing on the roof?"  
  
"What are YOU doing on the roof?" Dib asked. Aileen smiled.  
  
"Looking at the sky." Her gaze drifted upwards. "At space..." she trailed off. "I wonder..."  
  
"What's out there?" Dib finished for her. Aileen shrugged.  
  
"Rocks. Gas. Fire." She kept her gaze upward.  
  
"Aliens," Dib said. Aileen looked over at Dib.  
  
"You think so?" she asked.  
  
"I know so."  
  
"Oh really?"  
  
"Yes, really."  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
Dib grinned.  
  
"I have proof," he said, slightly smugly. Aileen lifted an eyebrow.  
  
"Really? I'd like to see it, then." She stood up, crossing her arms. "You got an alien or something?" Dib blinked.  
  
"If I told you I did, and that he was going to take us both into outer space on a mission neither of us had heard of nor do we know what it is, what would you say?" he asked.  
  
"Well, first I'd say you were insane," Aileen said, rather bluntly. "But then I'd say, take me!"  
  
"Good," Dib said, "'cause there is."  
  
"Okay," Aileen said, smirking. "You're insane. Now show me this alien." Dib grinned.  
  
"Okay...meet me downstairs in an hour." He turned towards the fire escape.  
  
"What are you going to be doing for an hour?" Aileen asked.  
  
"Packing."  
  
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Be honest. Should I continue this? How can I improve the story (because I know I can) Helpful feedback is HUGELY apperciated. *Huggles*   
  



	5. Chapter Five

Hello! Sorry for the long time without a new chapter...writers block is evil. BUT here's chapter five. Also, I need to give credit to my bestest friend Kinza, she helped me write this chapter. Let's all clap for Kinza! *Clapclapclap* ^_^ Lots of description, not much talking in this chapter. O well.  
  
AAK! I made a big mistake in the beginning of the story. Currently (in the show) Dib is 11-12, not 10. So...I messed up. :(  
  
Disclaimer: Aileen is mine. So far, no one else is. XD  
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All The Purple Cats...And Their Misadventures  
Chapter Five: Explanation, Information  
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An hour had passed. Dib leaned aganst a wall outside Aileen's apartment, a backpack at his feet, waiting. The bacpack contained a couple changes of clothes and several of his old "fool-proof" alien-catching devices, including his x-ray glasses and something called a "Powerfyer 4000" that he'd never figured out how to use. After about fifteen minutes he knocked on her door.  
  
"It's open," she said from inside. Dib turned the handle to find that the door was indeed unlocked, and opened it. Aileen's apartment was slightly messy; a pile of empty pizza boxes stood in a corner, and a box with a few slices left sat open on a table in the main room. The walls were dark blue-purple, except for one behind a sofa (which was blue) that was light easter egg purple. Dishes were piled in the kitchen sink, which was visible from the door despite a wall seperating the main room from the kitchen. The door stood ajar. A shelf, that stood next to the kitchen door, held strange things like three bottles of rubbing alchahol and statuettes of dragons. A cat scratch-post stood next to the shelf. Dib heard the creak of a door opening, and after a moment Aileen walked into the doorway. Upon seeing Dib, she rolled her eyes.  
  
"You're really serious, aren't you?" She asked, halfway sarcastically. Dib pulled his head back slightly.  
  
"Of course I am...why else would I have told you?" He looked slightly hurt. Aileen laughed.  
  
"Okay, fine, whatever." She turned back around (Dib assumed to get a bag or something) when a loud yowl was heard. "Okay cat, I'll turn on the faucet for you," Aileen said to the place in front of her. A second later a white calico trotted out from the doorway. Its dominant color was white, but its tail was orange with tiger stripes. It had a black spot an inch above its tail. It had a brown teardrop shape on the back of its head and on its right front leg. Its ears were brown, but there were two black spots on top of its head that went halfway up its ears. A brown stripe went down from its head across half its nose, and there was a black splotch on the left side of its nose, like half a moustache. Its eyes were large and golden, like Dibs'. The cat trotted up to Dib and sat, staring up at him, as if expecting a treat. Dib looked at Aileen.  
  
"You have a cat?" he asked. Aileen nodded.  
  
"So?" She said. "Look, she likes you!" The cat had begun rubbing aganst Dib's ankles, purring. "She doesn't usually like guests. Her name is Scout, but she's usually just called Cat."   
  
"You can't take her," Dib pointed out. "What are..." Aileen cut him off.  
  
"My other neihbor has a key. She knows to feed the cat if I'm gone more than a day." Aileen turned away again. "Get some pizza if you want it, I'll be right back." She walked out of sight.  
  
Dib stayed in the doorway. After a few minutes Aileen came back in carrying a duffel bag that had a few things in it; a change of clothes, a video tape titled "Workout Video for Fat Ugly Old Men," four hairties, a small boombox, a discman, a CD case with several CDs in it, and a videogame. She walked over to her shelf set and knocked two bottles in her bag, one full of ether and one with rubbing alchahol in it. She pulled out a machete, wrapped in newspaper to prevent cutting anything, from behind the shelf and placed that in her bag, too. Dib blinked.  
  
"How are you getting all that in your bag?" He asked, curious.  
  
"It's magic," Aileen announced sarcastically. She then walked into the kitchen and grabbed two steak knives from a drawer and shoved them in her bag. Dib stepped back.  
  
"Uh...what's with all the knives?" He was obviously nervous.  
  
"Close Encounters," Aileen said, sarcasm still apparent in her voice. She was making it obvious that she hadn't believed anything Dib had said, through her tone and the fact that she was packing completely useless stuff. She yanked the zipper shut on the duffel, grabbed a pair of glasses and a set of keys from her shelf, and walked over to Dib. Scout meowed loudly.  
  
"Cat, go, kay?" Aileen said to the calico. She ran off around a corner. Aileen turned to Dib.  
  
"Move, I should probably close the door," she said, and Dib backed away from the door. He picked up his bag and started walking down the hall. He was already regretting asking her.  
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FWAA...Aileen's a bitch. :P LOL Oh well. You know the drill, REVIEW!  



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